the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
