my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
Randomize
