every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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