You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
