my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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