I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
