My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
