What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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