i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
