if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
