I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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