Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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