1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
