Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Sorry my hands just texted you
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wear drunk well.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
