I must be too annoying 4 u.
You smell like stripper and shame
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
