im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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