I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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