What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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