i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
