I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
