I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
he thought i was a dude.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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