This is not my ceiling
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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