My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
This is my gift to your gina
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Dicks are not precious.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
