If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
