I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Is it normal to miss your booty call?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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