i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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