THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
