I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Randomize
