tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
How does one acquire holy water?
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I lost the right to judge tonight
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
