I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
