I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
