I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
