They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
