fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
