Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
