How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
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