I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
