We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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