Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
