I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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