Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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