so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
