Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
