Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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