I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Don't make out with my wife yet
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
