Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
