also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
