I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
There's always time for handjobs
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
