For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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