I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
